Reaching my limits

Old thing (2006-08-26), wrote it then, never posted. Will now.

So I finally went to Nikko for a hike. Due to the last moment changes for worse in weather forecast (among other things) my original plan of taking the tent and spending two days in a good company and not with too much hurry diminished to a lonely one-day trip. Which would probably not be so much fun but, at least, enough to see the place, and if the mountains were suitable for camping in secrecy, if the emergency huts had walls, and so on. For the next, proper trip.

Got to bed a bit too late on Friday. On Sat morning woke up from restless sleep at 4h19, just one minute before the alarm went off. Had been having so wild and vivid dreams about heading for mountains (except these were really cold, sharp-edged high mountains, much more serious than what I was really about to face), packing my bags in a rush in early morning, not finding anything I was supposed to take with me, missing the first train, noticing I mistakenly took with me totally crappy socks and would get blisters before reaching the station.. Then realizing after waking up my backpack indeed was not packed and where did I put that flashlight anyway!

Checked the weather from the balcony, 13th floor is quite nice for getting the general feeling of the weather and what it's gonna be, at least you can see if the air is clear and if there are some glooming coulds in the distance. It was so pitch black outside that it was difficult to believe the sun is ever going to rise. "What the hell do I think I'm doing, and why don't I go back to bed right away.." The weather forecast was worriesome too. Rain was likely, and in Saitama and Gunma areas there were some warnings about thunderstorms. Then again, the following Sunday did look almost as bad, no use delaying the trip, and I really wanted to go, finally, after putting this off for so long.

I spent one hour before my designated take-off choosing every two minutes not to go, and switching back to going, and continued hesitating all the way to the train station where I took the 5h21 train, and then all the way to Nikko.

I reached Tobu-Nikko station at 8h24. There were some other hikers around but not so many, and all of them lined up for the buses. Yes, the bus. There was one possible day route, just would have to take the bus to 1200 meters or so and start from there. Why did I feel so reluctant to do that I don't know. I was baffled about where I would need to go and the bus route end was definitely going to be easier -- there were too many options here, too many wrong roads and paths to take, and I had no idea of where I should head. I felt downhearted and too ashamed of my stupidity I just started walking. I could check the turist stuff and temples if I couldn't find the way, right?

By chance I took the right turn and after a couple of minutes saw the river, and was able to fix my position on the map. I knew where to go!

I found the start of the hiking route after a half an hour walk. It was hidden in the middle of a temple area, a sad little path, next to the "off limits"-gates. Took a wrong turn pretty soon after that as the area was still within close distance to the civilization and there were too many options, but noticed my mistake before too long, less than twenty minutes was lost. After that I reached the first sign stating the path leads to Mt. Nyohousan in about 40 minutes, the difficult part of finding the way was over: once you got far enough all the turns of the paths are normally marked pretty well.

Still, my uncertainty was not over. It was so long I took a hike last time I was afraid I estimated the time & my shape wrong. Mostly I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back home the same day: the very last train was about to leave before 8PM. I did have some safety money so I could stay in a ryokan if forced to, but I felt it would be money badly lost. As weather was warm, I could probably sleep in a emergency hut too and survive, but I definitely would be very hungry and uncomfortable. All I had with me was the clothes on me and the rain gear, plus a 100-yen shop plastic sheet. The sleeping bag was back home.

The hardest part was between 1300 and 1900 meters. The stretch was quite long and the fog was thick, and most of the way I had no idea how far I had gotten. The walk seemed to last forever.


But once i got to 1900 I started feeling better. I had beated the map times again and now I was certain I would reach the Nikko station in time to catch the last trains back home.


Spent so much time on the trip just saying to myself "just keep on walking, nothing bad can happen, don't think too far ahead, one step at the time".

I actually was pretty strong experience. I surpassed my fears and huge disbelief ("it's gonna be so boooooring if I get stuck here until tomorrow" :-P) so many times, I was so happy when I realized I actually really did it. And then again, did what, no big deal. I don't know. Never mind how tiny and lame thing it was in proportion to what the Courageous and High-Spirited people do all the time. But for me it was a lot, especially considering how much I distrust myself right now. Really need to learn that with my life,
too. The one step at the time thing.

Pretty annoying the next day was so bad then.. Gotta blame tiredness! That's where being in shape is really measured, I guess, not with how much you can do at one short sprint but how soon you'll be a human being again afterwards :-P

One thing I thought a lot on my hike was how we shape our worlds when speaking to others. I thought about seeing the world and getting experiences, and how much it is enjoyable just because you can tell about it to someone that matters. Why is that? Why is everything, no matter how shiny
and wonderful, so lame if it's just you and no one is interested?

Getting tired is so strange, I never seem to be able to tire myself in a way that I'm just "happily exhausted and ready to sleep". Even yesterday I felt I could have kept going if only those nasty blisters wouldn't have bothered me too much (oh true, and the route did also end and I'm not desperate enough to start walking in circles in the local sports field just yet). But today all my muscles just seem to have broken their pact with my brain ("you're telling I should move that way? What do I care!"), except when it comes to notifying the brain about aching.